Dubya Audio (2005)
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I, I don't know Bono came in and dropped this new iPod off... Lightweight. Crank it on, and you shuffle the shuffle.
Dubya "explains" how he operates his new iPod, White House, Dec. 15, 2005

We're workin' with our partners to expand prevention efforts, that emphasize abstinence, being faithful in marriage, and using condems correctly.
Dubya serves up a new pronunciation for condoms on World AIDS Day, Washington, D.C., Dec. 1, 2005

DUBYA: Herman, last question.
KEN HERMAN (Cox News Service): Respectfully, sir and you know we're always respectful, in your statement
DUBYA: Most of the time.
HERMAN: this morning with President Hu, you seemed a little off your game. You seemed to hurry through your statement and there was a lack of enthusiasm
DUBYA: When? Here, right now?
HERMAN: No, this morning, with President Hu.
HERMAN: Was something bothering you? Were you tired?
DUBYA: Have you ever heard of jet lag?
HERMAN: Yes, sir.
DUBYA: Well, good. That answers your question.
I guess the jet lag hasn't quite worn off yet, Beijing, China, Nov. 20, 2005

This is a opportunity to positively affirm our belief in democracy, in human rights and human dignity. And so I want to thank you for being a good host. It's not easy to host all these countries, particularly not easy to host, uhh, perhaps, me. But thank you for doing it. You're doing a fine job.
One of the classic moments to come out of the Summit of the Americas. True to form, the White House transcript was also quick to change the third word from "a" to "an". Mar del Plata, Argentina, Nov. 4, 2005

Fifty years ago in Montgomery, Alabama, this humble seamstress stood up to injustice by refusing a bus driver's order that she give up her seat for a white man. Her show of defiance was an act of personal courage that moved millions, including a young preacher named Martin Luther King. She will always have a special place in American history, and our nation thinks of Rosa Park and her loved ones today.
Is it too much to ask for Dubya to get the name of the person he's eulogizing right? And would it have been too much effort for him to append 'Jr.' to 'Martin Luther King'? The mistakes actually make more sense when you hear how much it sounds like he's reading a book report to class. Washington, D.C., Oct. 25, 2005

There, I, I, there, there's some background noise here, a lot of chatter, a lot of, uhh speculation, and uhh, opining. But the American people expect me to do my job, and I'm going to.
The best thing about this quote is hearing Dubya say "opining", White House, Oct. 20, 2005

SERGEANT LOMBARDO: First, I'd like to say that this is a pleasure to speak with you again. We had the honor of your visit in New York City on November 11th, in 2001, when you recognized our Rainbow Soldiers
DUBYA: Yeah.
SERGEANT LOMBARDO: for their recovery and rescue efforts at Ground Zero.
DUBYA: Were you there?
SERGEANT LOMBARDO: We began our fight against terror we began our fight against terrorism in the wake of 9/11, and we're proud to continue it here in northcentral New York northcentral Iraq.
DUBYA: Let me ask you something. Were you there when I came to New York?
SERGEANT LOMBARDO: Yes, I was, Mr. President.
DUBYA: Yeah, I thought you looked familiar.
SERGEANT LOMBARDO: Well, thank you.
Dubya goes off the script in an otherwise fully choreographed "conversation" with military personnel on duty in Iraq, Washington, D.C., Oct. 13, 2005

Over the years these extremists have used a litany of excuses for violence. The Israeli presence on the West Bank, or the U.S. military presence in Saudi Arabia, or the defeat of the Taliban, or the Crusades of a thousand years ago. In fact, we're not facing a set of grievances that can be soothed and addressed. We're facing a radical ideology with inalterable objectives. To enslave whole nations and intimidate the world. No act of ours invited the rage of the killers.
Umm, Dubya... do you recall the list of their grievances you just recited a few seconds ago? Washington, D.C., Oct. 6, 2005

Listen, I, I, I wanna thank, uhh, leaders of the in the faith, and uhh faith-based and community-based community for being here, we've got people who represent thousands of volunteers who are in the midst of helping save lives.
I'm waiting for a definition for "community-based community", White House, Sep. 6, 2005

Brownie, you're doin' a heck of a job.
Dubya's comment to FEMA Director Michael Brown, who presided over what was arguably the worst ever performance by FEMA in an emergency situation, Mobile, Alabama, Sep. 2, 2005

First of all, as you know, uhh, we have made strong steps, ibs, uhh, uhh we've, we've condemned strongly Iranians' attempt to develop uhh, any kind of program that would allow them to, uhh, enrich uranium to develop a weapon. In other words, the Iranians, uhh, said they were in compliance with certain international rules, and yet we found out they weren't in compliance of those rules, and so we're very deeply suspicious of their desires.
Dubya offers up an "uhh-fest" and problematic grammar in a discussion of the Iranian (ihr-rain-ian: pronounced almost exactly the same as uranium) nuclear program, Crawford, Texas, Aug. 9, 2005

Secondly, we're strengthening the defenses at our most important and vulnerable locations. In other words, part of a strategy is ta to try to figure out where the enemy may attack. You assess your weaknesses, and you build on those and you, and you, strengthen your weaknesses. That's the remember, we're, this is a war. This isn't a you know, maybe a, you know, a ketta, a law enforcement adventure. We're at war with these people, and therefore, during a time of war, you've got to do everything you can to strengthen your defenses. And so we'll continue to enhance protection at our borders and coastlines and airports and bridges and nukyular power pants.
Dubya gets flustered, and delivers a doozy: "nukyular power pants", Baltimore, Maryland, Jul. 20, 2005

In terms of your Prime Minister, he's a interesting guy. He's a lot of fun to be around. He promotes, uhh, serious business in a, in a, in a way that, uhh, endears himself to people. And so, uhh, I think his presidency has been an important presidency for the EU during difficult times, and he's handled it well. And, umm, I was gonna say he's a piece of work, but that might not translate too well. Is that all right, if I call you a piece of work?
Dubya dons his "diplomatic" hat in welcoming Luxembourg Prime Minister and European Council President Jean-Claude Juncker, White House, Jun. 20, 2005

The relations with, uhh Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know European values, they're universal values. And those values uhh being universal, ought to be applied everywhere.
Dubya goes "values crazy" in press conference with EU dignitaries, White House, Jun. 20, 2005

In terms of, umm you know, the the detainees, we've had thousands of people detained. We've investigated every single complaint against the detainees. It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on, on the word of, uhh and the allegations by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble that means not tell the truth. And so it was an absurd report. It just is. And, uhh, you know yes, sir.
The word Dubya is looking for here (and not finding) is "dissemble". That doesn't stop Dubya from acting like he's giving the media pool a vocabulary lesson, though. Answering question about criticism made by Amnesty International regarding the treatment of detainees at Guantanamo Bay, White House, May 31, 2005

If you've retired, you don't have anything to worry about. The third time I've said that. I'll probably say it three more times, see, in my line of work you gotta keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kinda catapult the propaganda.
Truth... Propaganda... Pretty much the same thing as far as Dubya is concerned. A surprisingly candid statement, though... Greece, New York, May 24, 2005

Here's the way the system works. Two folks work, they both contribute to the Social Security system. If one dies early, the thees, the spouse, the remaining spouse gets to choose her benefits or his benefits, which are ever greater, but not both. Think about that system.
In case you might think this is an isolated flub, let us assure you it isn't. Greece, New York, May 24, 2005

We know that democracies do not forment terror or invade their neighbors.
I'm getting the idea that Dubya didn't write this speech... Washington, D.C., May 18, 2005

If you're a two-working family like a lotta families are here in America, and, uhh two people working in your family, and the, the spouse dies early before 62, for example all of the money that the spouse has put into the system, uhh, is gum held there, and then when the other spouse retires, he or she gets to choose the benefits from his or her own work, or the other spouse's benefits, which is ever higher but not both.
Dubya discusses "two-working families" and their benefits, prime time press conference, White House, Apr. 28, 2005

But you bet, when we find somebody who might do harm to the American people, we will detain them and ask others from their country of origin to detain them. It makes sense. The American people expect us to do that. We, we we still at war.
Apparently "we still" at war, Prime Time Press Conference, White House, Apr. 28, 2005

Uhh, again, I, I repeat to you, our's – our, our aim is to solve this problem diplomatically. And, uhh, you know, like I've said before, all options, of course, are on the table, but the best way to solve this problem diplomatically is to work with four other nations who have all agreed in, in a, in achieving the same goal, and that is a nukyular-free Korean Peninshula. Final question, Hutch. I don't wanna cut into some of this TV shows that are gettin’ ready to air.
I thought about highlighting all the goofy portions of this passage, but I realized nearly the entire thing would end up being highlighted, so I'll let you pick out your favorite bits. White House, Apr. 28, 2005

Today I am pleased to announce that I have nominated an outstanding military officer, Admiral Ed Ammiral Ed Giambasteen Deh Giam Giambastiani.
This one is just fun to listen to as he fumbles his way through, and it's also worth noting that the official White House transcript was a little more generous with the transcription, White House, Apr. 22, 2005

Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge.
Dubya blows his lines and doesn't notice, Washington, D.C., Apr. 20, 2005

We're talking about a part of the world in which, uhh, you know, our foreign policy was, let's just hope for the best and tolerate the fact there's no free societies. And what ended up happening was, there was a tyrants have emerged, tyrants that threatened our security. And so not only was the action worth it, the action is worth it to make sure that democracy exists, and, uhh, because democracies will yield peace, and that's what we want.
Dubya making the case (?) for the invasion of Iraq, Washington, D.C., Apr. 4, 2005

1983, uh, Tip O'Neill, Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole said, we've got a problem, let's, stret, see if we can't fix it. And they put together a 75-year fix, they said. First of all, I appreciate the spirit of Republicans and Democrats comin' together. But it wasn't a 70-yah, 5-year fix. This was 1953. We're only in 2005.
Dubya speaks of shortsighted government fixes, while doing a sterling job of messing up the point of his argument, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Mar. 30, 2005

I'm lookin' forward to meeting these uhh very brave souls. They've, uhh, committed themselves to a peaceful solution, and hopefully, their loved one'd will not have died in vain. I mean, out of this hopefully, some good will come out of the evil perpetuated on this family.
Making it sound as if the evil perpetrated on the family is ongoing, Washington, D.C., Mar. 16, 2005

Iran is not Iraq. We just started the diplomatic efforts, and I wanna thank uhh, our friends for taking the lead and I we will work with them, to convince the moolahs that they need to give up their nukyular ambitions.
Dubya offers up a mispronunciation twofer, Mainz, Germany, Feb. 23, 2005

Now, if you're a worker who earns 35 dollars a year over your lifetime, and this system were in effect where you could put 4 percent of your payroll taxes in a personal account, and you started at age 20, by the time you retired, your personal account would grow to 250,000 dollars. That's compounding rate of interest.
That's some seriously compounding interest! Raleigh, North Carolina, Feb. 10, 2005

DUBYA: Mary is with us. Mary Mornin. How are you, Mary?
MS. MORNIN: I'm fine.
DUBYA: Good. Okay, Mary, tell us about yourself.
MS. MORNIN: Okay, I'm a divorced, single mother with three grown, adult children. I have one child, Robbie, who is mentally challenged, and I have two daughters.
. . .
DUBYA: There's a certain comfort to know that the promises made will be kept by the government.
DUBYA: And so thank you for asking that.
You don't have to worry.
MS. MORNIN: That's good, because I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.
DUBYA: You work three jobs?
MS. MORNIN: Three jobs, yes.
DUBYA: Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doin' that. Get any sleep?
Dubya takes pride in the fact that in America, this woman has to work three jobs to stay afloat (By the way, the bit that is crossed out is a bit of conversation that never happened, but ended up in the official White House transcript anyway), Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

Surveys show that the vast majority of people do want to participate in democracy. And, ahh, some are feeling intimidated. I urge alls people to vote.
Yes, that's what he said. But don't worry. The White House transcript was thoughtfully printed without the "s". Washington, D.C., Jan. 26, 2005

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